Human emotions are not often expressed in their complete form through conversation, but must make themselves known through other pathways that lead to physical manifestations. While this is the basis of nearly all art dealing with the human form, it is not common that these manifestations are examined individually. As someone who excels at getting lost in the details, whether it be from curiosity or (more often) anxiety, body language is something I am constantly analyzing. In my work, I intend to explore the subtext of human features, particularly those held in our hands, through which I can evolve my understanding of internal emotion and restraint.

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It all begins with tension. I notice it all around me—in conversation, in movement, in rest—and find it hard to ignore. Closest to me is my own tension, one which builds from a plethora of pressures that commonly surround teenage life, and one which repeatedly morphs into the silent contortions of my hands. Even in my earliest work, the hands of each figure I captured became an essential element of each narrative, and eventually became a motif. As I reflected on my process, I realized that each set of hands was a reflection of my own body language, making me fascinated to investigate them as their own subject. 

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On the canvas, my brush does not entirely release this tension, but rather translates it. There is tension in the chiaroscuro I draw from my studies of the old masters, in each stroke of paint, and in the dramatic compositions that often convey discomfort.

 My pieces Double Jointed, Stress Relief, and Squeeze directly draw on my experiences with anxiety, representing its concrete expressions, which often go unseen by others. In dialogue with these works are In and Out of Reach and Self Reflection II (with Self Reflection I, not featured, being one of my first self portraits), in which I blended surrealism into my process to capture the often detrimental self-restraint that comes from such anxiety. The use of multiple panels in these works functions to show the fragmentation of the self that accompanies being held back by doubt. My largest piece, Grappling, reincorporates the figure in combination with these elements, once again exploring the self-restraint that arises as a product of external and internal pressures. 

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With each hand painted being my own, creating my portfolio has not only allowed me to communicate my own struggles to the viewer, but also to personally understand them. As I continue to create, I see myself going deeper into the whole figure. By working to uncover the emotional weight held in the hands, I can now approach the figure and its subtleties from a complex personal perspective. I can now say with confidence that as I peer into the soul, my hands are no longer tied.